As we wait...

So we're now in the middle of a new Wait.... When we were trying to conceive, we had the 2 Week Wait, or 2WW - this is the time period between ovulation and the expected start of the next cycle. (A cycle starts when Aunt Flo shows up.) Now Scott and I are in the middle of the 3 Week Wait. This is the time period form confirmation of pregnancy to the first ultrasound at 8 weeks. Ours is scheduled for June 14th.

We're so afraid to hope for this baby. I keep getting emails that say things like, "Your Baby is the size of a Poppy Seed!" (week 4) to "the Size of a Sesame Seed" (week 5). It's so easy to get wrapped up in our little seed. But then it's so devastating when things go wrong. I almost bought a bassinet yesterday of a FB Sale Page. What was I thinking? Jinx, jinx, jinx!

That all being said (because I needed to say it to someone), the symptoms are interesting this time around.

With the lost pregnancy, the symptoms were traditional, but very severe - nausea, breast tenderness, raging emotions - everything was heightened.

This time... it's a lot like the second half of my pregnancy with Weston. I am so exhausted that I could fall asleep at any point during the day (not helpful at work, trust me.) I'm hungry all of the time. I get nauseated if I wait too long to eat, and I get icky when I do eat. My brain wanders away frequently, and I can go to the bathroom every 15 minutes if I think about it. ;)  So I feel worthless at work. And I have some huge projects for this summer, one due in 3 days. Oh and my blood sugars are all over the charts. Up, down, and back again. And the worst part, ok, almost as bad as the debilitating exhaustion, my legs are swelling - to the point of pain. I am drinking a ton of water and cutting caffeine, nothing helps. I fear I may end up buying Crocs soon to cover the ugliness.

I am hoping that since these are more similar to my healthy pregnancy, that everything is going to be great. :D

she lied

The recovery nurse who said that things wouldn't get any worse than yesterday morning lied. She was wrong.

I’m getting worse by the day.

Yesterday I felt good. Little to no cramping, not even really any after affects. I worked all day, was a little emotional in the afternoon, but I was ok.

Then Weston and I went to Target. And he took forever. And I started to get really tired and a little crampy. I tried to hurry him along. We were doing pretty good together. But then he got mad when I wouldn’t get him a movie from the checkout end cap (after agreeing to a $5 movie and a toy using his Valentine’s money.) I told him he could get the toy or the movie, only 1. And that was the melt down. “I don’t love you, Mommy. I only love Daddy.” Whining and anger and fighting in the checkout. So… I put the movie back, got him the toy, checked out, and dragged him out of the store. (Dragged by the hand, which he held onto, so I guess that doesn't count as dragging, right?) I was crying by the time I got to the car. That freaked him out, which made me cry harder. I couldn’t stop. 

•  “I didn’t know Mommies and Daddies could cry.” 

Um, yeah you did, you've seen it before. Anyway, it was a rough night. Weston kept asking if I was still sad, which I was, terribly, but I smiled for him as best as I could manage. I started cramping very badly around 8pm, and was up until midnight with a heating pad and ibuprofen, because these were the only meds the medical staff told me I could take. I woke up again at 4:20am in so much pain that I couldn’t get back to sleep until 5:50am, finally dragging myself out of bed at 6:30. So, now I am so tired that I can’t control the emotions. I feel like an over-tired baby that just cries and cries until the cry themselves to sleep. Except I can't cry or go to sleep because I have to work. I miss benefits like sick time and more than 64 hours a year for PTO - you know, companies that value family and women. That would be nice. 

I'm on the lookout for ways to grieve other than crying. And something to help my husband. Any ideas? Comment and let me know.

Recovery

I had surgery last Friday.

It was originally scheduled for 7:00 am, but was moved to 10:30am. Not a bad deal actually. I was able to take Weston to preschool myself, and I stopped at the post office to mail invitations I had made for a baby shower. Scott even ran to the grocery store before we left at 930 to pick up Mom in Ankeny. We got to the surgery center and checked in right on time. I think I only waited 5 or so minutes before being called back into the Pre-Op area. Mom came with me, since Scott didn't seem as interested as she did. I had a great nurse named Michelle. We did an EKG, and got me hooked up to the IV. We had about a 25 minute delay due to the surgery prior to mine. The anesthesiologist actually walked me back to my OR holding my IV in his hands. It was nice, and gentle. They loaded me up on the narrow operating table, and buckled me in. Each are was buckled onto a board - I looked like I was shackled to a metal cross. No sooner than they strapped the blood pressure cuff on me, I was out. No idea what they used, but it worked. I was apparently out for an extra hour after surgery too. But it went well. There wasn't much endometriosis to clean up, but they got it as well as some scar tissue and adhesions from the previous surgery. They used only 2 surgical points, instead of 3. But man... I am sore! And nauseous. I'm on Percocet. And back at work today. Though I shouldn't be... and I will probably go home early. I'm just out of it today. Way off. Going to try lunch now... see if the food helps out at all. If not, I'm going home. Mom and Aunt Linda are there with Weston... maybe I can get a little TLC too. :)

the creation of Mother Nature

So... it's Halloween again at the Onthank Company.

This year I'm appearing as Mother Nature!!!

Here's my details:

Dress: made from the Gray Lady pattern in this season's Martha Stewart Living Halloween issue. She didn't say it would be see-through! Whore! So I had to MacGuyver a dress this week.

I have leaves and butterflies on the dress, and butterflies and glittery fall foliage in my hair. And a bird on my left shoulder. I feel frumpy, but still pretty.

Makeup isn't showing well on pictures. It's all golds and glittery. I used green and bronze eyeliners to draw to design on my face.

This is my right-ish profile. You can sort of see the design on my right side. and the tulle dress in detail, along with the hair. I am wearing tea-stained fishnet tights as sleeves, they look non-existent in pictures. Should have stained longer.

From the left... like the butterflies and the bird?

Full length with my friend Dorothy, I mean Jean. She's just too cute!
And the next best thing to Costumes... POTLUCK DAY!!! I made a Halloween Dirt Cake!

POST SCRIPT: I WON 1st Place!!!!! And it was a hard run this year. But finally, I have returned to the top! Woo-hoo!!! I'm just a bit excited! I mean, I won in 2006 (my first year) as the "Proper Young Lady" with books on my head, lost in 2007 to a man dressed as a slutty woman and a store bought Geisha (I was a Gold Digger, complete with a gold coin covered shovel), and Scott's step-dad passed away in 2008, so my Domestic Goddess Costume sat in the closet. This is my bragging rights for the next year. I am thrilled.