Cancer is a Bitch!

on another note... I am feeling angry, and selfish, and miserable... and thrilled by how much these little boys are moving!

My Mom had a sore throat a week ago. But Tuesday she was admitted to the hospital; by 6pm that night she was transferred to the main hospital in the state; by 10pm that night, the doctors had called it a Recurrence of ALL - Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia. My mom battled this in 2010, and had a Stem Cell Transplant in 2011. In 2012, she battled a localized spot with radiation and everything was fine.

Mom and me, Sunday, 9/30

To say this is a shock is an understatement. We had so many plans for this Fall... making blankets for these boys, refinishing 2 dressers for their room, decorating all 3 boys' rooms. She was coming out to stay with me for about 2 weeks to pick up Weston from School when daycare is closed. And she was coming out when these boys are born for weeks to help. I feel so selfish thinking of all the things she won't be able to do with me... and wondering how they are going to get done.

Here's what we found out this weekend:

We converged on Iowa City en masse Friday night. We spent 40+ mins with Dr. Carter and here's what we learned: her cancer is fatal, all they can do is try to give her time and make her comfortable. Apparently the team knew that her Stem Cell transplant was considered a "failure" since last year when the leukemia came back localized in her elbow. The doctors just never told us that- and I'm not going to lie, we all got mad at that. They were just waiting for it to come back, and we should feel incredibly "lucky" to have had the time we've had. I'm not feeling very lucky right now. 
Everything revolves around her kidneys. They've been slow all week. If they come back and start to work better, then Mom could have months. If not... We're down to days or weeks. Her oncologist is against all machines to extend life - dialysis and such- He calls it a "Quality of Life" thing. But her kidneys aren't bad enough for that yet - but they very soon could be.
It's a 50/50 battle for the kidneys. And they're slow because the leukemia is reproducing so fast and dumping cellular garbage into her blood that its overloading her kidneys.
 
Saturday was a brighter day. She had started steroids over night and woke with minimal pain and was able to move around all day really well! It surprised her doctors, but we all know what a fighter Mom is. We had some good laughs and some tears - lots of talking, etc. 

Sunday brought the good news of better kidney function (not great, but any improvement is a positive sign for us!), but also a lot of exhaustion and a headache that went away after food - I think we wore her out yesterday! So we visited and painted her nails, and let Mom get some much needed rest. The highlight of my day was Mom walking to the family room to check on her grandbabies - and then the photo op that followed (pictures to follow.)

Mom walked down to the Family Room to
give her Grandbabies hugs and kisses.

I just got a call from my sister that the headaches aren't as simple as we thought... they did a Cat Scan this morning and the results showed 2 small brain bleeds. She had hit her head on the car over a week ago... that could be one of them. But they aren't sure, and she is still bleeding. The plan is to pump her full of platelets and hope that these damned bleeds clot by themselves. There is no way that Mom can have surgery - her counts are way too small. I take comfort in knowing that her personality is the same and that they found them quickly. We're waiting to hear back on what we need to do, but for now, we're hanging out together.

So Pregnancy Hormones plus Cancer. I'm not in the best place most of the time. And the fact that no one wants to stress me out - it's not working. I just want to bury my head in a cold pillow and cry myself to sleep most of the time.

The amount of fear that I am living with makes me worry for these babies. I just want them and my mom to be healthy. I want her to hold them. I want her to be here for all of it. I want her to get out of the hospital and to spend some quality time with her favorite casinos. :)  I want her to go out in her own style.

Blubbering Mess...

As I am watching Weston at his next round of Swim Lessons (Intermediate 1), I am trying to hold the tears back. And it's mostly not working.

When I pledged Chi Omega in the Fall of 1998, I instantly made a connection with Janelle. She was so nice and accepting, taking me under her wing. Showing me the ropes... Helping me to quick cash my first paycheck after the bank was closed on a Friday afternoon. Heck - she even helped me buy my first bottle of alcohol to take to a Date Party (since the fraternity boys would only have cheap beer.)

Secretly I had wanted Janelle to be my Big Sister - the XO version of a Pledge Mom. But she explained to me that she wanted me to have a sister who would be around more - you see Janelle was a senior when I was a freshmen... And she wasn't from Iowa, so she would leave after my first year. So I got another Big Sister (who was fantastic) and Janelle watched out for me that first year. When I had trouble making grades (college studying is so different than high school studying) she had me come to house to study there. When April and I were initiated together, and I think we spent 4 hours in Janelle's room - she had set out snacks, and movies and notes. She was incredibly thoughtful that year.

A few years ago, we reconnected. Found each other on Facebook as so many do. She had a Blog, I had a Blog. We followed each other and have insight into each others lives. We talked about our struggles and kids. When Mom got sick, she was so supportive.

And then on July  18th, came the news that she'd had a biopsy - and everything came back clear and great, and after Mom, this was a huge relief! But by the end of July - less than 3 weeks later, News had come back that Janelle has Stage 4 Acute Adrenal Cancer. I immediately hit Google. It hits mainly people age 30-40. It hardly found in the early stages unless it manifests as a whole tumor. Janelle's never grew as a single tumor - it spread everywhere - the same way that the hormones that the Adrenal gland produces do - her lungs, her brain... It kept going. She immediately started Chemo. She had a small break and then jumped right into radiation treatments. She completed those less than 2 weeks ago. And things seemed to be going better. She was enjoying food again. She was going out with family. It was such a relief. 

Today... Today we got the news that Janelle had been moved to a care center, and would probably being going home today with Hospice Care. According to the news, the chemo and radiation did nothing to slow the tumor growth, and in fact the tumors had all grown more than 50%, filling her lungs and one is set to sever her spinal cord. How is this possible? She is 35 years old, happily married, and has a beautiful 8 yr old daughter. 

I've been crying since 5:30. Weston was convinced that I was crying from happiness at being able to take him to swim lessons. I let him run with that. In no way could I explain that my friend is dying. Because my friends shouldn't be dying. 

Our friend Brandy is getting married in October. We will be serenading her with the traditional XO song, Shades. Janelle has such as an amazing voice, and used to carry our whole house with this closing hymn. Every time I hear this song, I hear her carrying the melody. Making it a better song, and we'll never be together to sing that again.

I am heart-broken that this is happening to my friend and her family. I am so angry and sad (and probably hormonal). I hate cancer even more than I used to. I've said it before and I'll say it again (and again and again): Cancer is a Bitch.

Baby Bump

"Is it called a Baby Bump when it's twins? Or just when it's a tiny bump?"
"Ummm... It's always a bump, no matter how big. Think speed bump." 

*facepalm*

21.5 weeks - first maternity wear

21 weeks

Well I had another ultrasound on Friday. And it was just supposed to be a quick heartbeat check, but I think the stenographer gave it a little extra because Mom and Linda were there. We got 3D pictures of these boys!!! She was so nice to go the extra mile.

Everyone is doing just fine. Heartbeats are good. Blood pressure is good. The doctor just talked things over... they don't actually check me, which I find strange. I mean is it because of the constant ultrasounds?

After the all-girls appt we went a looked around Buy Buy Baby. Mom and Linda had a blast. :) We had Scott join us for lunch at Prairie Meadows and I actually came home with money!!! It bought our couch-gating dinner Saturday night for the Iowa-Iowa State game - Iowa Won!!!

So, if you don't already know, I have a love for Postagram. And this weekend, Coppertone sponsored some free postagrams!!! So I sent 4 of these free (!!!) postcards to my grandparents, Scott's mom, my parents and Aunt Linda and Uncle Dave. I think they'll be happy.

Postagrams for All!!! My Jones Boys!

20 week update:

Craving of the week - Pickled Beets. I think I could eat a whole jar if left alone too long!

Had the 2 hour Biophysical Scan last Friday.

Our BOYS are doing fantastic! "A" had a heart beat of 152 and was measuring right on at 20 weeks at 12 oz weight. "B" had a heart rate of 155, measuring at 11 wks, 4 days, weighing 11 oz. We got all the info that the doctors needed except some specific heart scans having to do with the aorta, etc. I will go back in 4 weeks to have the entire scans redone. Because they're bigger, they want to redo all the scans. Another 2 hours... yay.

We're still working on names. I think we have one settled, and have narrowed down the other to 4 or 5 choices. :)  We have a short list of middle names, all family, and so we're trying to make the best choices for first names.

I also think we've settled on Godparents. And I need to get a Will put together so that our wishes are honored. Gotta love responsibility. :)

And here's the Fruit photo for this week! Bananas!!! This is how the babies were positioned at our scan on Friday... Baby "A" is head down and feet up, Baby "B" is lying across A's feet with his head on my right and his feet on my left.

Oh and Weston did the cutest thing ever last night. He left to run an errand with Scott, and before he ran out the door, I got a Huge squeeze and kiss good-bye. And then he turned back and threw he arms around my tummy, planting a kiss on each side. "I had to kiss my brothers good-bye too!"
These little boys have no idea how lucky they are when it comes to big brothers. They really did hit the jackpot!

Time for some Fruit!!!
(pardon Scott's horrible focus... I think he might need glasses.)

"T" for TWINS!!!

Milestone!

We've hit 20 weeks today!!!

That means in a normal Sington pregnancy, we'd be half way through. But due to all of the complications of twins and my health, these babies will be delivered in 17-18 weeks - so we're over the halfway point!

Today I have the 20 wk Biophysical Profile Scan, aka the Anatomy Scan. 2 hours of ultrasound to measure every bone and organ possible to make sure that our babies are doing their best. I'm interested to see how big they are this week, and to finally have some guarantee of Baby B's gender. We did some shopping this past holiday weekend (loads of sales!) and got some great outfits if these babies are both boys. My favorite was the Bulldogs outfits in Drake Blue - perfect for Drake Relays weekend!!!

Carter's Bulldog sets in Drake Blue!!! Shannon is going to add a "D" tag to the collar and if Baby B is a girl, we're adding a pink bow. ;)