LOST in 3 minutes worth of Post-It Notes

Thank you to my friend Erika in LA for sharing this awesome video!!! (and my love of LOST!!!)

This guy, Alex Day, is pretty damn cool.

Mom update

Mom is still very week. Her Blood counts, including white cell counts, are not coming up. She has to have transfusions of red blood cells, platelets, or both every 2-3 days. She has to have these transfusions in order to survive each day. I think that is the scariest thing I have heard in months. Well, that, and Scott saying these exact words to me Monday afternoon after spending the weekend with the family, "She's wasting away."

Yeah... he said that out loud. He also told me that he's scared. He's so scared of Weston losing his MieMie. Scared of Mom not seeing Weston grow up. He voiced my fears. And yet, while he's saying this to me in the car yesterday, all I can think is What about me? What do you think will happen to me if I don't have a Mom? Who will I talk to every day? How will I survive? How will Aunt Linda survive? Shannon? Nathan? Dad? Where will Dad live? What will he do? All of this ran through my head in under 10 seconds, I swear. And then the guilt for thinking these thoughts. The guilt for writing them is weighing on me this very minute, but how could I keep it all in? I've already exploded once in my life from withholding all of my emotions; I'm not sure I could survive that again. Not with everything else. Not while Weston and Scott are here to watch.

Mom had a bone marrow biopsy on Tuesday. The results can go one of two ways. First option is that there is less than 3% cancer cells found. This means that the leukemia is still in remission and the blood count problem is related to an infection or medicine-induced. As a precaution (because this has happened before, though not this badly) the doctors have stopped all of her meds (about 17 different pills a day) until they narrow down the problem. Option number 2 is the one we all dread: Her leukemia has come back and is resisting the Chemo, etc. We're praying it's a simple pharmaceutical problem. Hopefully we will have the biopsy results tomorrow.

We also found out last week that Mom is not eligible for a stem cell or bone marrow transplant. Dr. Jameson very bluntly said that the transplant protocol will kill her. Transplants are 10 times harder on the body than a single round of Chemotherapy. Right this minute, Mom couldn't survive a round of Chemo, let alone a transplant. Every Round of Chemo is dangerous for her, so a transplant is out of the question.
Mom has fallen 3 times at home. These falls have also greatly weakened her. They have caused bruises and aggravated her hip and back pain.

She's trying to keep her spirits up. Last Saturday, we went to a Cedar Rapids Kernels game. Mom was exhausted after a day of infusions in Iowa City, but she had a great time and even made it through the post-game fireworks.

This weekend, we're headed back to Cedar Rapids to hang with Mom so that Linda and Dave can head to Clinton to continue getting our house ready for sale. Dad is working in Nebraska and can't get away. He's been told that he needs to "get his head in the game and step up" at work. He needs to get back to normal. So... working 60+ hours a week while his wife is beyond sick. Right... PSC Bastards. I don't wish this on any one, but a day in our emotional stockpile might put them in their place.

Alright... that's all for now. I ask that you please keep my Mom in your thoughts and prayers. I have a firm belief that positive thought and energy pushing in the right direction gives birth to miracles. And I think it's time for a miracle.

finally coming to terms...

I have finally hung something on the walls of our apartment. I gave in. I had hung a picture and a decorative key holder during the first week and haven't touched a hammer or drill since. Call it laziness or whatever you like. I prefer to call emotional detachment. This apartment isn't permanent. It's temporary, like a live-in hotel. Only at hotels, they cater to fixing the problems, unlike our landlord. Why do I care about hanging anything up? And I still feel nothing but malaise when it comes to this place. I do not want to live here. I do not want this to be my child's home. I can't dream in this place.


Pushing my emotional issues aside, something needed to be done. So, I've begun hanging pictures. I have all of these matching frames from our house. And I had gotten our family pictures back from Target, so it made perfect sense. After a week, this is all I got done. And this took me 2 days. Right now I am at an impasse. I have pictures, I have walls, I just don't know how or where to hang anything. When we hung our walls in our house, my friend Jason was there to help. Jason has crazy eye for detail and when combined with Shannon's need for perfection and my corner rounding laser level - I had an awesome, unique wall-scape. But, alas, Jason is busy and I don't want to beg him to come hang my pictures. I want help, but I also want to do it myself. Really, What I need are ideas. Like where should I hang our wedding picture? Which used to be the focal point over our fireplace. Or Weston's pictures? Do we do a wall dedicated to just him? That would be the whole hallway that I have left. (About 4 feet) I had so much more wall space, and shelf space in the house, that now I feel overwhelmed about hanging much up. So... I need a fresh pair of eyes. I can wield a hammer and a level. I'm quite good at the decorative stuff. :)

Anyway, so I am trying to overcome my insecurities. Trying. I am even reading Eat, Pray, Love (I'm on Bead 22.) I'm enjoying this woman's tale of her pursuit for personal happiness. Not sure if I want to see the movie, but I'm getting through the book. Only 86 more Beads to go.

Here's a view of my walls so far:

This is the super skinny wall above the couch with the cutout view of the kitchen. The plaque says, "Having someplace to go is Home, Having someone to love is Family, Having both is a Blessing." Scott's Aunt Linda gave us this as a house warming gift for the first house. Who knew I would need to be reminded of those words so much now? It's become an inspiration and I have already thanked Linda for her gift again.

This is the wall between the kitchen and the bathroom. It's like a half-hall wall since you can see half the wall from everywhere in the living room. On the top is our hand made "Jones" doilie. On the left, our most recent family picture. On the right, our family picture from last year with us kissing Weston. The picture on the bottom center is now hung so that the bottom of the frame is in line with the other 2 frames. (I had to buy sawtooth hangers for my frames.) It's Weston's newborn photos of his whole body, his hand holding my pinkie finger and our wedding rings on his toes. Love it! (And yes, that is my DVD shelf. And yes, it's full and overflowing. And yes, we have another full cabinet. I know, I know. But we like to be entertained.)

That's it for now. More to hang. And once I do, I will post more photos. And I will try to blog more. Promise!!!

a retrospect

Weston turned 2 years old Saturday, July 31, 2010. He has changed so much. I love everything about him, he's a human sponge with a major attitude. I miss the baby that he was every day though. He was an amazing baby for the first-time parent experience. In honor of Weston's 2nd birthday, here is a retrospect of his last 2 years. (If you want the birth story... there's a link in the last post.)

Weston was 15 minutes old here. I call this his cover shot. I missed it since I didn't get upstairs for 3 hours after the c-section. Missed all the good cover photos. He looks so calm and awake. Like being born wasn't that big of a deal for him. :)

The youngest Cubs Fan! Probably not, but he was a week old here. Look at those lips! Angelina called. She wants to know how we stole her lips.

4 months old... big difference from week one. My Little Elf saying Merry Christmas with an argyle sweater on top! Such a round head! I don't remember it being that round. Thank goodness his ears have seemed to tucked in.

6 months old with his favorite toy at the time, Leo the Lion, courtesy of Auntie Shannon. He was just starting to sit up completely on his own, and could stand up holding just my fingers. He was the happiest baby, and went to a hockey game that night, and he cheered!

Weston's first black eye! Of course he was crawling by this time and pulling himself up and falling off everything. At 9 months he seemed like such a big boy. He was such a tiny thing compared to right now.

Happy 1st Birthday Weston! He was still a little unsteady and still has such a round head, but he was definitely independent. He was very sick here, getting over a virus that caused a 103 temp. But he was a trooper. He had 2 birthday parties and pretty much ran the show. He was starting to talk, but I seemed to be the only one who could understand.

Christmas 2009, Weston was almost 18 months old here. Our friend Jason came over to take family pictures. And they were some of the best family pictures we've ever had. Weston was so comfortable around them that it was almost easy, plus it was our last Christmas in our house. I came back in and did the photo editing and recoloring. At this time, Weston was learning to climb and jump off of everything in sight. He was also learning his colors and our favorite thing he said was, "Reee-dee, Seet, Doh!" (Ready, Set, Go!)

Yesterday in the Ball Pit that Auntie Shannon gave him for his birthday. He looks so comfortable!

At 2 years old, Weston is stubborn and prone to tantrums (apparently normal in 2 yr olds.)

He is also brilliant. He can count to 13, sing his abc's, and recognize about 6 letter by sight. "W" is obviously most recognizable. He runs fast, jumps high, and plays hard. He is a voracious reader, always asking questions. He knows who our President is, what state we live in, and his favorite place is "Downtown."

Weston has the best smile. And he has gotten over a first time quietness with strangers. If I introduce him, he says "Hi, name." He always says hi to the check-out clerks at the grocery store. He blesses you when you sneeze, and he doesn't like to be dirty. He loves water - pools, sprinklers, baths, showers, leaks and puddles. He like to do the "Go Crazy" dance from Yo Gabba Gabba. The best part? He possesses and loves his people. "My Linny", "My MieMie", "My Shannon", "My DeeDee". His people are his. They are in his life and he gives them all the love he can. And he doesn't forget easily. He is a super social little boy. I like to think he got the best parts of both of us. And I can't wait to see what this year brings.

At 2 years old, Weston weighs 27.22 pounds and is 34 1/2" long. Very skinny (!!!) and healthy!