Mom update

Mom is still very week. Her Blood counts, including white cell counts, are not coming up. She has to have transfusions of red blood cells, platelets, or both every 2-3 days. She has to have these transfusions in order to survive each day. I think that is the scariest thing I have heard in months. Well, that, and Scott saying these exact words to me Monday afternoon after spending the weekend with the family, "She's wasting away."

Yeah... he said that out loud. He also told me that he's scared. He's so scared of Weston losing his MieMie. Scared of Mom not seeing Weston grow up. He voiced my fears. And yet, while he's saying this to me in the car yesterday, all I can think is What about me? What do you think will happen to me if I don't have a Mom? Who will I talk to every day? How will I survive? How will Aunt Linda survive? Shannon? Nathan? Dad? Where will Dad live? What will he do? All of this ran through my head in under 10 seconds, I swear. And then the guilt for thinking these thoughts. The guilt for writing them is weighing on me this very minute, but how could I keep it all in? I've already exploded once in my life from withholding all of my emotions; I'm not sure I could survive that again. Not with everything else. Not while Weston and Scott are here to watch.

Mom had a bone marrow biopsy on Tuesday. The results can go one of two ways. First option is that there is less than 3% cancer cells found. This means that the leukemia is still in remission and the blood count problem is related to an infection or medicine-induced. As a precaution (because this has happened before, though not this badly) the doctors have stopped all of her meds (about 17 different pills a day) until they narrow down the problem. Option number 2 is the one we all dread: Her leukemia has come back and is resisting the Chemo, etc. We're praying it's a simple pharmaceutical problem. Hopefully we will have the biopsy results tomorrow.

We also found out last week that Mom is not eligible for a stem cell or bone marrow transplant. Dr. Jameson very bluntly said that the transplant protocol will kill her. Transplants are 10 times harder on the body than a single round of Chemotherapy. Right this minute, Mom couldn't survive a round of Chemo, let alone a transplant. Every Round of Chemo is dangerous for her, so a transplant is out of the question.
Mom has fallen 3 times at home. These falls have also greatly weakened her. They have caused bruises and aggravated her hip and back pain.

She's trying to keep her spirits up. Last Saturday, we went to a Cedar Rapids Kernels game. Mom was exhausted after a day of infusions in Iowa City, but she had a great time and even made it through the post-game fireworks.

This weekend, we're headed back to Cedar Rapids to hang with Mom so that Linda and Dave can head to Clinton to continue getting our house ready for sale. Dad is working in Nebraska and can't get away. He's been told that he needs to "get his head in the game and step up" at work. He needs to get back to normal. So... working 60+ hours a week while his wife is beyond sick. Right... PSC Bastards. I don't wish this on any one, but a day in our emotional stockpile might put them in their place.

Alright... that's all for now. I ask that you please keep my Mom in your thoughts and prayers. I have a firm belief that positive thought and energy pushing in the right direction gives birth to miracles. And I think it's time for a miracle.