resolutions to revelations

Happy 2012!!!

  I am hoping to be a better blogger this year. Then again, I am hoping to have more time to write and more to talk about. My graphic design business has stalled a bit. One because I am so busy with the new job and holidays, and two, because I am waiting for good high-quality pictures for the job I am currently designing.

  Right now, my little family is trying to just settle into the New Year. Post holidays, we’re trying to be home more and to get more organized, and to work more on our family. I want to be a better wife and mother. I really want to be less tired than I have been in the last year. I want to be “there” for Weston. And I am trying really hard to make the time to play. If it means waiting to eat dinner until 8pm… so be it. It’s not like Weston is eating right now any way. (And he’s not. He eats when he’s hungry. So, he’s fine.) And speaking of Weston, he is now more than ½ my height. Which is crazy! At this rate, he’ll be taller than me by the time he’s 8 or 9. I’m sure the growing will slow down, but I still think he’ll pass me by sometime around 10 or 11 years old. Right now he’s learning about Dinosaurs and Paleontologists. And our daycare is so amazing! Yesterday, Weston and his fellow Paleontologists did a field study outside (thank you 60 degree day in January!) and they “dug” up dino bones. (Cut from paper) and their most exciting find was deer poop in the field. Kids. J So, it’s Dinosaur mania in our house.

  Scott is working, and finally getting home at a decent hour, now that the liquor-fueled holidays are over. He’s hurting a bit… not sure what he plans to do about it. But I’d love for him to feel better soon. Maybe with his chiropractor finally back from a 2 week vacation, he can get his body fixed. These weekends at home are helping too.

  I started my new job at RCS Millwork last week. And on days when I am busy, it’s great. I feel so productive and useful. And then the days when the Project Managers forget that I am here, and they do everything by themselves… well those are the days that I want to fall asleep. And it’s so warm in this office, that if I am not careful, I Will Fall Asleep. Oops.

  I will close with a little insight from a toddler: This has been the best week with Weston in a while. Not that he isn’t great in general; it’s just that this week he has been especially poignant and just plain fun. Case in point: Saturday we had a movie night. He wanted to be in our bedroom and he wanted Auntie Shannon to be with him. So she went. They were watching Curious George and discussing anatomy. Where’s your brain? Weston points to his head. Where’s your heart? Weston points to his chest. And then he says,

“If someone hurts your heart, you might cry.”

Yep. Very astute for my 3 year old, though he’s usually logical. on Monday, we played puzzles, and cars, and in a tent, and wrestled with his 4’ tall stuffed Frog named Phreddie. (Phreddie won.) And when Daddy came home, Weston played with him too. Last night at Shannon’s, he kept making the best faces. And then we played with her Melissa & Doug puppet named: Cupcake (Shannon), Strawberry Shortcake (Weston), and Janice (by me, because she looks like Janice from Animal’s rock band on the Muppets.) It was high-larious! Though the funniest part was when Weston spoke in a high voice for the puppet. I need to get the video from Shannon. Yes, it’s on video.

  My point is this… life is constantly changing. Sometimes for the worse, hopefully for the better. I resolve to try and look at 2012 as a year where things are Good. Things don’t have to be great. But so long as everyone is happy and healthy for the most part, then I will love Good. And I will be satisfied.

Career Woes

I love the people I work with. I love some of our customers. It's just becoming difficult to be here. This economy is not helping a Family-owned business. And neither is our Congress or President - which is sad considering we've been in business for 67+ years. But there is only so much an employee can take. And I think we've all hit our limits:

Heebedee Heebedee Hub-Hub-Hahb!!!!

 Whenever anyone asks about my job, you know... do you like it? I have always answered the same, "Not always, or usually, but I love some things I do and I love the people I work with." The next question that doesn't revolve around the current job usually is something like, "What was your favorite job?" Most people would expect me to say the Secretary of State's Office or my current job, since I am still there. (ha!) But they'd be wrong. My favorite job that I've had in the last 14-odd years of working? Damon's Grill. It's gone now. Closed in April of 2004. But for those of you that need a reminder... it was in the Holiday Inn on 50th Street in West Des Moines, which is now a Sheraton. 

I was 19 years old. A college sophomore in a sorority, in need of cash. (I've always seemed to be in need of cash.) I'd been drinking for a year and thought that qualified me to be a bartender. (again, hahaha, right.) I started by looking in the phone book. (Pre-internet) I saw an ad for Damon's Grill, and it seemed like magic. My last name was Damon, a somewhat unusual name. It was meant to be. So I filled out an application. And I waited. And waited. and waited. Finally I got an interview. At the time I was also working at Drake's D-Shoppe, the Secretary of State's Office and had just started as a bridal consultant for David's Bridal (a horrible experience that can be discussed later.) At my interview, I sat at a high top in Beethoven's trying to look all professional for Darin Boots. We talked. He told me that they did train bartenders, no experience required. But (but?!?!?!) They weren't hiring bartenders, only servers. But it was a step in the door, I could be a bartender in months. I was hired after my 2nd interview. Which was good because I had quit the bridal business.

I had a rough start: evil trainers who didn't share tips after I did all the work, blisters, ill-fitting uniform shirts, you name it. But then I settled in. I started working a few nights a week. I really enjoyed it. I loved socializing with most tables. I made friends, great friends. I grew up at Damon's. I had 3 amazing managers, though a few times I wanted to beat them to death. Darin reminded me so much of my Dad in size and personality. I used to get hugs from him when I missed my dad more than I could bear. And I know that he probably took advantage of that sometimes... especially when a shift needed covered. Eric was a like a big brother, a total teddy bear. You could get away with almost anything if Eric was there. Especially during the days... 4 projection screen TVs and no customers = fun for us all. He is also the only manager to make me cry in front of him. Over broccoli. Don't worry, I totally let him have it once the tears were dry, and I've never let anyone talk to me like that again. And then there's Andy. The Hot One. (The one who sang the Title to this Post all the time. I've been singing it to Weston since he was born.) He was like a big kid. He flirted, probably a little harassment, but it was ok - it was Andy. He was always joking and he made you feel great, just as you were. Don't get me wrong... he could rant and rave and yell with the rest of them. They all could. But they could drink with the best of them too! I was a server, a hostess, and a Bartender. I did it all, had it all. An illicit fling with another employee... best friends made... crushes bloomed and wilted (can anyone say Matt Kiel? Allison can, maybe Katie too, definitely Katie Nickrent can)... drinks poured and shared. I made a life-long friend in Jess Nelson, now Jess Jones. She was a sister when I needed one, a bridesmaid when I wanted one, always a friend - still is to this day. She actually introduced me to my husband. It's a weird circle. If it weren't for Damon's, I wouldn't have my family. It's funny how it all turned out.

Andy Pederson found me on Facebook yesterday. I have reconnected with some of the best years and people of my life. It's brought back so many great memories. Its funny to see the families and babies of the people who shared my single life. Who watched me through college; who watched me fall in love with Scott. You see, I left Damon's April 2nd, 2003, to move to Sioux City to be with Scott. I clocked out at 2pm, changed clothes and returned to the bar. Andy made me my first and last drink at Damon's. Apparently this was a tradition. Jess and I had our last dinner there during their last week being open. It was so sad, but it felt right to have one last hurrah. I'm not sure if I have any pictures from Damon's, I can't remember taking any. Maybe all I have are the pictures in my memories: Going to Friday's after close, then shutting them down. Doing Karaoke at Mulligan's. Drinking at Bradley's (which I did not like.) Becoming regulars at Limey's. The Jukebox at Limey's (God how I miss Limey's.) Days spent playing hooky with Matt Kiel, the endless car rides with Matt. Becoming family with Jess, watching her babies grow up. Burke... we'll also leave that one alone. (Shut up, Shannon and Jess.) There are so many things, so many memories.

 Now to give you an idea of what a day in the life was like... rent the movie Waiting. It's about 65% like that. Ok... maybe 80%.

And I will leave you with that.

Now and Always,
Erin Damn Damon

 (another Pederson name.)

this week

My boss Ed brought Weston this cookie from the Highland Park Bakery in Des Moines, the #1 Bakery in Des Moines. Now... this is no Sweetheart Bakery (in Clinton), but it was awfully nice of Ed to think of Weston this weekend. And we need all the smiles we can get in this place.

I got what I am calling an "almost" promotion at work. More work, small increase in pay, no title and a smaller work space.

Not sure if this weighs out as a positive or negative experience.

I'll have been here 4 years on April 17th. I've moved my office 4 times, this will be the 5th time. And I am moving back to my original desk from April 17th, 2006.

I am taking over a lot from another employee. I am been consistently taking on portions of his job since June 2006. I am now taking over almost everything that is not Customer Service/order entry.

So... let's tally this up:

I have more responsibilities than ever. Officially more than this employee.

I am only getting a small raise. (this isn't the huge concern it would normally be, not in this economy.)

I am moving to a smaller desk.

I have no change in job title.

He is keeping his Salary.

He may be keeping his Management title.

He's taking my desk.

And I was supposed to get his office, but I stupidly voiced concern over his mental health (reason for the decrease in responsibilities.) And so his office will be the 4th conference room, and the 6th meeting area in this office.

We now have more conference rooms than hourly employees!

Anyone see a problem with my day?

I feel like the small raise is not compensation enough. I almost feel slighted.

I definitely feel stupid for worrying about someone else. He's fine. Actually happy and relieved to have less work. Why did being concerned and nice backfire again?

Job Survival according to Christopher Damon

My dad called around 1:45 today. He was passing through Des Moines and wanted me to stop out in the Onthank Parking lot and meet him. Sure, no problem. I love seeing my Dad even for 5 minutes at a time. (Coincidentally, he must have forgot about meeting me for lunch today. Which for the first time was ok, since I had also completely forgotten and brought leftovers.)

So, I basically skip out to Dad's truck around 2pm. (I really do love seeing my Dad in Des Moines. It does wonderful things for my mood.)

I open the passenger side door and sitting on the seat is a plate of cookies. Pumpkin shaped and decorated, pumpkin flavored cookies from the Amana Colony bakery. Oooohhhh! Yes. There are about 13 cookies on the plate. All mine? Nope. He brought them for my work people!

"Dad, why do you keep bringing treats for my co-workers?"

"Well, if they are thinking of lay-offs and for some unknown reason your name comes up... maybe some baked goods will have good influence."

That's right, Folks! My Dad thinks that cookies and scones are job security. And he's probably right. According to my aunt Linda, I should never finish any project, just have everything carry over to the next day. That way they'll hire more people when they can and not make do with just the few of us who do it all now.

Between the 2 of the them, I think I am as safe as can be. :)

"No one can make you feel inferior without your Consent."
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Oh Hell Yes they can!

I had a Conference Call Meeting today at noon with the 17 North American distributors for DuPont (Corian) and DuPont's Andrea. I take these calls in the back conference room where it is very quiet and there are no prying eyes. I am by far the youngest on these calls. They are managers and vice presidents while I am merely a Purchasing Agent who is also on the order desk, who also does billing and graphic design. So, while I feel inferior over my age and inexperience every single call, I have gradually been getting over these problems. Until today. Today I am early for the call (a first!) and I have my notes, my pen and my Diet Coke (all set!) So, we get on and basically do a roll call. Then we go over the agenda (we're all on "Mute" so we can do other things too, like paint my toenails - which I did! Hey- when else am I sitting still anymore?) As we move into the first topic, I start to notice that Andrea from DuPont keeps saying things like, "This graph shows..." and "Do you see what I am referring to?" Oh, CRAP! She's got visual aids and they are all somehow seeing things that I am not! I am a moron, how did this happen?!?!?! So, I call my friend, Adam, our IT guy, on my cell while listening to the conference call. I have him open up my computer in my cubicle and pull up all of Andrea's emails. Were there any graphs or visuals on these emails? "Nope," he says. Are there any links? "Nope. Sorry," he says and then he goes to lunch. So here I am, listening, taking notes, but not seeing what they are seeing.

I felt like a complete phony who was about to get caught any minute.

The meeting takes an hour. I've been frantically taking detailed notes of the things I am not seeing for over 45 minutes now.

My boss Don, the VP of Surfaces, finally returns to the office. I rush in to take a seat on his 2nd hand 1960's office chair (I love this chair. It's very Mad Men sitting in front of the big boss' desk. Oh, and it's comfortable too.) Don assures me that I am capable and adult enough to do my job, and that, No, I cannot quit because then he'd have to quit. (This about the 4th time in a year that Don has told me that he cannot work here without me.) I tell him that he had better find us new jobs, because I cannot handle feeling inadequate. (I don't think he is taking my inadequacy seriously today.) So, we discuss the issues at hand, determine that we should stop our discussion and move to owner David's office and start the discussion over. It is then determined that Adam the IT guy and I should find a report in our system to assemble a list of products ranked by the amount sold within a 12 month period. We do. It works. The bosses are positively thrilled with this report.

And finally, after 2 hours, the meeting and all of the immediate issues that followed it are all tucked away. I can finally calm down and return to breathing at a normal person's level and my heart rate has slowed and I no longer feel anxious and jittery. (I get anxious and jittery and absurdly hyper whenever i feel overwhelmed or nervous. It's a continuing issue with me.)

I need a Martini (vodka, shaken with 3 olives) just to recover today.

So I did it...

I published my resume on Monster.com.
I redid a much more fabulous version in Publisher.
And I am sending it along to a friend's interview tomorrow.
Aaahhh!!!
Am I really that unhappy at work? Or am I scared to death that Onthank will shut its doors and I won't be prepared?
I don't know. But I am tired of faking my way through my day only trusting 2 other people and missing the others that have been "laid off due to economical issues: aka Fired for Personal Reasons.
For all who don't know this... I hate starting over. I hate being the new girl. I hate going into a new place all alone with no one who knows me. I have surrounded myself at Onthank with friends. If it's meant to be, I'll leave. But I will need a lot of reassurance and a big push out the door. and occasionally the push feels like its coming any day.