In the Land of... Erin

"No one can make you feel inferior without your Consent."
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Oh Hell Yes they can!

I had a Conference Call Meeting today at noon with the 17 North American distributors for DuPont (Corian) and DuPont's Andrea. I take these calls in the back conference room where it is very quiet and there are no prying eyes. I am by far the youngest on these calls. They are managers and vice presidents while I am merely a Purchasing Agent who is also on the order desk, who also does billing and graphic design. So, while I feel inferior over my age and inexperience every single call, I have gradually been getting over these problems. Until today. Today I am early for the call (a first!) and I have my notes, my pen and my Diet Coke (all set!) So, we get on and basically do a roll call. Then we go over the agenda (we're all on "Mute" so we can do other things too, like paint my toenails - which I did! Hey- when else am I sitting still anymore?) As we move into the first topic, I start to notice that Andrea from DuPont keeps saying things like, "This graph shows..." and "Do you see what I am referring to?" Oh, CRAP! She's got visual aids and they are all somehow seeing things that I am not! I am a moron, how did this happen?!?!?! So, I call my friend, Adam, our IT guy, on my cell while listening to the conference call. I have him open up my computer in my cubicle and pull up all of Andrea's emails. Were there any graphs or visuals on these emails? "Nope," he says. Are there any links? "Nope. Sorry," he says and then he goes to lunch. So here I am, listening, taking notes, but not seeing what they are seeing.

I felt like a complete phony who was about to get caught any minute.

The meeting takes an hour. I've been frantically taking detailed notes of the things I am not seeing for over 45 minutes now.

My boss Don, the VP of Surfaces, finally returns to the office. I rush in to take a seat on his 2nd hand 1960's office chair (I love this chair. It's very Mad Men sitting in front of the big boss' desk. Oh, and it's comfortable too.) Don assures me that I am capable and adult enough to do my job, and that, No, I cannot quit because then he'd have to quit. (This about the 4th time in a year that Don has told me that he cannot work here without me.) I tell him that he had better find us new jobs, because I cannot handle feeling inadequate. (I don't think he is taking my inadequacy seriously today.) So, we discuss the issues at hand, determine that we should stop our discussion and move to owner David's office and start the discussion over. It is then determined that Adam the IT guy and I should find a report in our system to assemble a list of products ranked by the amount sold within a 12 month period. We do. It works. The bosses are positively thrilled with this report.

And finally, after 2 hours, the meeting and all of the immediate issues that followed it are all tucked away. I can finally calm down and return to breathing at a normal person's level and my heart rate has slowed and I no longer feel anxious and jittery. (I get anxious and jittery and absurdly hyper whenever i feel overwhelmed or nervous. It's a continuing issue with me.)

I need a Martini (vodka, shaken with 3 olives) just to recover today.