Options and Worries

We're weighing a lot of options lately.
What to wear, what to eat, where to live?
It seems like I am always having to make some sort of choice. What will we have for dinner tonight? Can I possibly defrost and eat by 6:30pm? (Weston has to start eating by 6:30 on weeknights, or he thinks that you are going to starve him. He's been like this since he was pretending to breastfeed.)
I am tired. I am exhausted from having to make choices every single day. I wish I someone could take my decision making for while. I wish someone would shoulder the responsibility of my family and my life for a bit.
Think about it... wouldn't it be nice if you could wake up in the morning and your closet just spits out an outfit to wear? You'd take one look at it and be like, ok, so I'm wearing that. Hmmm, I'll pull my hair up and wear the purple and gray eyeshadows with the pearl chain necklace and hoop earrings. It's nice weather so I'll step it up with the heels. Done.
You pick up the kid from daycare, get home and your freezer has thrown some chicken and frozen carrots on the counter. The pantry contributed some wild rice and seasonings. The cabinets set out the baking sheet, so roasted chicken. Ok, dinner's done.
My life is in chaos. Plain and simple. And I'm tired of deciding who does what. Which bills get paid, what we'll do about the house, what's for dinner, who feeds Weston and what he eats for every meal.
Some days, I think feminism was the greatest waste. I'm not sure what women gained from it. Except more work and more worries. Not only are we responsible for our careers (if they can be called that,) be we are also responsible for our families and homes. I'm lucky. I have a husband that helps. But he can't or won't make a decision. Sometimes I wonder how he lived before me, but that was a lifetime ago. He had a great job that he loved (and it paid $5,000 more a year than he's making now) and he only worried about minor things like paying the rent, electric bill, cable and his season hockey tickets. He didn't even have long distance or a cell phone then. He lived that way for almost 8 years. It's no wonder that I hold the responsibility for our family.
I'm sorry if this seems like a rant or a whine. I'm just so tired. Tired of holding everything in, and tired of carrying our world on my shoulders. I wish someone would take care of me for while. This morning Star 102.5 was discussing the flu (again) and I drove to work wondering how I would handle being sick. How could I take care of Weston after daycare if I was too sick to work? Who would help me? Scott has to work. Shannon has to work. I'd have no one. And then he'd probably catch it from me, so then I would be out of work longer. (Yeah, I worry about this kind of stuff all the time. You should be in my head while I am trying to fall asleep. Last night I was thinking about asking my boss something about this weekend's Hawkeye game, and I ended up dreaming about him! Eew... I can't even leave people when I go to sleep.) Do you think I'm losing it?