unFriending

In this socially conscious world, is the death of a friendship marked by the "unFriending" of someone on Facebook?

I haven't seen The Social Network, but if you have... is the answer in there? Does the mini-Mark Zuckerburg tell us how to end a friendship for all the world to see?


Remember when you were a kid? When someone hurt your feelings, you told your Mom and they either called the other kid's mom or they said to let it go. And when you let it go, what did that mean? They were no longer invited over to your house for play dates and birthday parties. And then... it was over. Frienship ended. For about 5 seconds, because then the mean kid became a nice kid who shared their Fruit Rollup with you. And suddenly you're friends again.


Remember middle and high school? I have diaries detailing the fights that made up these 7 years. Your "group" starts out as 15 or so girls... it grows and shrinks over time. Someone told a secret or stole a boyfriend while at the skating rink, and suddenly the group is divided on sides. Fractured from the whole for a lot longer than elementary school. Then high school starts and suddenly the groups are merged and split again, mainly based on class load and interests. And while there's fighting, it's more mature. And a lot more devious. Think Gossip Girl without all the money, clothes, and grand scale. Same thoughts and plans on a much smaller stage. I mean seriously, in the 90s... the worse think I could think to call someone was a slut. And even then I would feel guilty that my mom whould find out. But... once fractured, high school friendships didn't generally grow back together. If anything, the divide grew larger and more definite until graduation. Your parents wonder what happened to that girl who practically lived here every weekend, and no matter how you explained what happened, they don't get it.


College friendships tend to last. Maybe it's the fact that the most growing up you do emotionally is from 18-25. And it's your college friends, and the ones you've kept since high school that grow with you. These are your first "adult" friends.


And this brings me to Facebook.
I refused to join this thing in the beginning. It seemed too young. Something my sister was doing in high school, and I was so past High School. (Yes, with capital letters.) So, I didn't joing Facebook until 2008 or 2009, after my son was born, and my sorority friends were dragging me (kicking and screaming) into the era of the social network. And suddenly I was "friends" with over 200 people! People I knew from elementary school and on. And it was like we've always been friends. I knew their stories, and they followed mine. It was like they cared with 100 or so characters. It was almost as good as my high school reunion. I was a mediocre follower for a while. I posted pictures and commented a few times, but after a while, I became addicted. I followed my "friends," I played a game or 2, I commented on a million things a day. And I started trying to post things to see what people would say. Facebook has come in handy, especially when I need parenting advice or general questions answered. But I think it also has a way of de-socializing us too. My sister calls me a "Facebook Whore" or "Post Whore" saying that I am being antisocial by being on my new iPhone while we're together, constantly checking Facebook. Part of me thought about giving it up for Lent. Then I realized that I am not Catholic, so I don't have to give anything up. (Yep... addicted.)
Anyway, desocialization by Facebook: So, we feel like we're super involved in our friends' lives because we read their posts and see their pictures... it's like we're always there. But we're not. Not really. And after a while, when you think about it, you realize that you haven't seen your friend in almost 6 months. And they don't seem to realize it either. And suddenly it's like you don't even know each other. And then a FB post is taken the wrong way (like a text message, but don't get me started on Text Wars.) and the next thing you know, you haven't seen any posts for a while. And when you go looking, you can find this friend amongst your friends. And when you search all of FB for them... you discover that you are no longer "friends." You have 2 mutual friends (did they unfriend other people as well?) but that's it.
Not Friends.
Unfriended.
The end of a 6 year relationship.
With the click of a button.
Is this what our society has come to?
(I hope not.)