test results and tears...

Khloe Kardashian with her niece Penelope Disick

Last night my sister and I watched the latest episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians on E!. (We love this show. It's great entertainment. Say anything you want, we'll still watch it.) Anyway, on this episode, Kim talks her younger, married sister Khloe into visiting a fertility specialist. Kim saw how her fertility decreases with every passing year. They both went through tests that normal people don't see on the first, or even second and third, visit. It was discovered that Khloe, who has been married for 3 years to NBA baller, Lamar Odem, isn't ovulating. She has too much of one of the multiple hormones that can affect fertility. More tests to follow.

I remember that feeling. I was close to her age the first time I sat in that chair. And I just started crying for her. For the road she and her husband will have to travel. For the strain it will cause between her and her family. And also for the feelings she must have when she holds her sister's children, her friends' children. And I ache for the horrible way that the Public Eye will be on her.

So... I'm in the middle of Cycle 9, Femara Cycle 3, Day 11 today. I've doubled my dosage to 5.5mg. So, I've been taking Ovulation tests all week. And I don't think I am ovulating. My temp rose today, 1 full degree. Usually that means that I have already ovulated. But none of my tests show a distinct positive line.  So... I will test until Monday, 3 more days of peeing in a cup. I also am wondering if the husband and I shouldn't do some counselling? I think we need to find a way to talk to each other. I've tried face to face. Today, I tried text message. I don't think he understands where I'm at. I think Fertility is worse than Money when it comes to stress in a marriage. So... that's my venting for today. I'm headed back to the Fertility Specialist by all appearances. We'll figure it out. Maybe.