working on this...

"May today there be peace within. May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others. May you use the gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content with yourself just the way you are. Let this knowledge settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us."

Share the Happiness!

About as good as finding a Fruit Roll Up in the bottom of your purse on the ride home from work. ;)

Mom...

So, my Mom is in the hospital battling Round 4 of Chemo.
She has caught yet another infection while in the hospital. You would think that the hospital would be a safe place. That especially the 7th floor, the Bone Marrow Transplant and Adult Blood Cancer floor or the 4th floor, which is technically the Leukemia floor. But yet, their are dust-bunnies floating around, and if you wipe up a spill on the floor, it shows how dirty the floor is. It's ridiculous. The hospital is more dangerous for her than we are. This intestinal infection is so painful for her that my dad says that her doctors have her on Morphine. But if all goes well, she should be released to home tomorrow.
And I just got off the phone with Mom. She sounds awful. She is in so much pain. And then the morphine makes her kind of out of it. There is no way she will be released tomorrow. Until they get this infection under control, I have no idea when she will be released. The sound of her today... I haven't been this scared since the first night. She was sobbing from the pain. Sobbing from the fact that she thought I was crying (which I wasn't), sobbing when she realized that she forgot Scott's birthday (he wouldn't care.) Everything hits her so much more when she is in physical pain. It's like she can only handle one kind of pain at a time. If she is being attacked physically, then she has no defense against the emotional pain. If she's battling emotions, well then she's the strongest person ever. This bitch, Cancer, is hitting on both levels at the same time. And it's hard. She is also suffering from Neuropathy. Which is when you lose the feeling in a part of your body, it can also be accompanied by pain. Mom's neuropathy is in the heels and toes of her feet. Socks even cause traumatic pain.
So... now I feel like vomiting. The feelings inside me are threatening to choke me to death. They sit on my chest, trouble my dreams, follow me around. It feels like a blanket pulled too tight around my entire body. And while I needed to express my feelings, I also need to look toward the future.
Above is a picture taken of my Mom in May. The one and only time she visited our new place in Des Moines. She was resting in Weston's room and I was showing her how I was storing my formal dresses in Weston's closet. She said that she has never tried on a true formal dress. Really? Really?!?!? So I whipped out one of my favorites. This is the one I was supposed to wear at Shannon's almost-wedding. I love it. The color, the fit, the price ($104!!!) So Mom tells Scott to stay out and gets into the dress, and she looks amazing! I have decided to give her this dress for the Cancer Prom that I am throwing for my Mom when she beats this damned disease! We're throwing her a prom (because she never went.) and we'll have a cover charge with all proceeds going to Cancer research!!! As soon as she wins the war!!! Because, we all know she will. And it just might be a beautiful raspberry formal dress that pushes her ahead.

Love you, Mom!!!

Jessica's Graduating!!!

Congratulations to my talented and beautiful cousin, Jessica Damon! Jessica graduates from Hammond High in the San Antonio area, tomorrow, June 10th.

Jessica is the first to graduate from what we call the "Second Set" of Damon grandchildren. There are 5 in each set. the First Set consists of Michelle (33), Me (30), Katie (30), Nathan (27) and Shannon (26). The Second Set began arriving 8 years later: Jessica, Adam, Sam, Samantha, and Nick, ages 14-18. (Sorry I don't have the ages. I blame geography and gender. I only really converse with Jess and Samantha, 18 and 14 respectively, the boys fall somewhere in the middle.) Hey - my dad is #3 of six children, there were bound to be some grandchildren.

Jess' graduation makes me feel old. I remember being 14 yrs old and playing with an 18-month-old baby Jessica while we both visted our grandparents. She was so cute and inquisitive and had the softest reddish-chestnut hair, and pixie-like features. It made me want to move to San Antonio. To have more of a connection with this side of my family. But it wasn't meant to be. Jessica and her brother Sam moved around the world with my Uncle Steve and Aunt Susan for the Army. Turkey, Delaware... they recently settled back home in Texas. I am so grateful for text messaging and Facebook for reconnecting me with my family. I've gotten to know the woman that Jessica has grown into. She is creative, intelligent, loyal and brave. She graduates tomorrow from high school amid a tornado of emotions. I have no doubt that she will find her place in this world and continue to changes the lives of those around her.

It's a bit overused, but it's a wonderful piece of advice from Emerson:
Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.

and a little advice from your 30-year-old cousin:
You will be confused and overwhelmed by life. You will also find yourself underwhelmed by everything around you. Just remember that you have time to find your way, your path. Absorb all around you, discard the unnecessary, store the trivial, and use the good stuff. You never know when you will need it. If you need to talk, you can always call your family, any of us - we've all had different experiences and can help. I promise.

posts...

Weston's Shock at his Mommy's lack of Blogging.
No... we were on the train at the Niabi Zoo in Coal Valley, IL, in the covered bridge in the dark. He was a little freaked out.

I seemed to have lost the month of May. Poof! gone. I am working on some posts and will get them posted as soon as I can. (I actually tried last night, but Blogger was unavailable. figures.)

Be back soon. With Pictures. :)

new recipe

Apricot Chicken with Baked Sweet Potato and Ginger-Garlic Fresh Green Beans

So... My last blog was about being sick. And I am still sick. Actually, I feel worse than I did on Friday. But I hope I do look better... though I doubt it. Anyway, on Thursday I made this Apricot Chicken. I found the recipe on Taste of Home (.com) and I tweaked it a bit, and will probably tweak it more the next time.

But I liked it. As a meal it was very pretty. But since I was starting to get sick... I couldn't finish the chicken.

Apricot Chicken (original recipe)

Bone in Chicken Breasts with Skin

Glaze (Per piece of Chicken):

• 1tbsp of Apricot Preserves
• 1 tbsp French or Russian Dressing (I used Western Dressing)
• pinch of Ginger

*************************************

• Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Mix glaze together. I let it sit in the fridge and combine while I prepped my chicken. I cleaned and patted them dry. Salt and Pepper both sides. I pulled the skin from the meat to create a pocket. I then spooned in some of the glaze. Then I brushed the breasts liberally on both sides. I placed them on a foil lined (next time I will also "Pam" the foil!) sheet, breast down. I baked breast-side down for 25 minutes on 350 degrees. Then I flipped them and re-glazed the top with the last bit of apricot glaze. I baked them breast-side up for 35 more minutes. (my oven sucks in this apartment. I am 50 degrees too cold. So... general cooking time for chicken breasts with the bone is 50-55 minutes at 350.)
• My alterations:
  Besides the Western Dressing, I would make some other changes. For one... there wasn't enough flavor. I think I would use Boneless, Skinless Chicken Breasts. I would poke holes and let them sit in the glaze before I baked them. I also think I would add a bit of Soy Sauce and more ginger, maybe some garlic. Maybe turn the whole thing into a stir fry? I liked the ease of this dish, so I will experiment some more and see what I come up with.
• I baked the smallish Sweet Potatoes with the Chicken. Next time, I will pop them into the microwave for about 3-4 minutes on high before I put them into the oven. (which is what I usually do. But in my defense, they were small and I thought they would cook in an hour.) Either way, they were fabulous with butter and a little brown sugar.

Green Beans

• I used about 2 pounds fresh Green beans. It was too many beans. And I underestimated the effort to clean them and the time to cook them. So... frozen or more time.
• Anyway, all I did was stir-fry them in minced garlic, ginger, and a 2:1 ratio of butter to olive oil.
• Done. I did this with snap peas a few weeks ago and they were delicious. These were too. I am trying to eat more fresh or frozen veggies that are not corn or broccoli. Trying to expand my horizons. And Weston's too.

Maybe this photo was the wrong choice...

     I woke up icky yesterday. The new apartment complex mowed on Wednesday. For hours right in front of our open windows. So when I woke up congested and feeling generally icky, my first thought was allergies. I've never had them before, but maybe the 30+ year old established grass outside my window woke up some long-buried allergies. After a dose of allergy meds and 2 different doses of cold and sinus meds, i thought maybe it wasn't allergies. I thought it was a stupid cold. But I didn't get better, no matter how many pills I swallowed. This morning I woke up in worse condition. Sore throat and ears, more congested, and achy all over. I went to work. Why? Because I had no choice. I called my doctor's office trying to make an appointment. My doctor was working in Urgent Care today, no appointments needed.

     Now, I know what you're thinking, "Why would she go to the doctor for a stupid cold?" And normally I wouldn't. But you see, it's Mother's Day weekend. And I want to see my Mom. I need to see my Mom. So, if I needed to pay a $15 co-pay to be told it was ok to visit, then so be it. 

     So, (Ever noticed how much I use the word "so?" Is it getting annoying yet?) I went to work miserable and feeling like crap. I did the billing, placed a few orders, tried to make people happy, all the while trying not to breathe on anyone. I left at noon. Grabbed some lunch since my blood sugar was starting to hit the floor. And I made it Urgent Care at Mercy North in Ankeny by 1:10pm. Not bad.

     I stood on the scale. (We won't go there.) I had all the usual check up stuff. Temp was a (very) little high, blood pressure was high-ish, and my pulse was pretty high. 106 beats per minute. But I could have told them that; I had felt my heart racing all day. 

     Dr. Nowak (whom I love, cynical enough to get me, attractive enough in his 50s to make me stare a bit) went over all of my medicine issues and made adjustments. Then we got down to the "cold." It wasn't a cold. I have a respiratory infection with an almost sinus infection. Combined with some serious exhaustion. I was told that I could probably work through this on my own, but since I was seeing Mom tomorrow, Dr. Nowak put me on a pretty good antibiotic, and told to rest. I shouldn't kiss my Mom, but I can hug her. And if it makes me more comfortable, Dr. Nowak told me to wear a mask when I hug her, but to make sure it's a big hug. Have I said that I love my doctor?

     So... here's what I look like today. And what I hope to not look like tomorrow. We'll have to see what happens in the morning I guess.