My Dad once said that his children are "Human."
And by that he didn't mean that we were human, 1 step above the apes. What he meant was that we were Human - we possess an enhanced version of the things that make humans... well human. For example, according to Dad, my sister can empathize with anyone. And she can take in the pain of those around her and then project what they need to cope. This is what makes her an amazing social worker/advocate and will soon make her an exceptional therapist.
My brother sees things. He sees the past, the present, and though we'll never know for certain, I think he also sees with a little 6th Sense as well. I think this in some ways is more difficult to live with, or it certainly seems so for him (and that creepy kid from the movie.)
And that brings us to me. I have the talent to read people, and places. In the first few minutes of a meeting, I know whether or not the person I am with is a... good person, an honest person, a person that I want to be around. I'm not right all of the time, but if I am meeting this person alone, I am usually pretty close. Obviously this skill has helped me out along this journey of life, specifically on job interviews and as a bartender. I get feelings about places... and sometimes, I just turn around and leave. Sometimes I wish I could do that with people.
So, why am I telling you this?
Yesterday we drove up to Cherokee for a "Celebration of Life" party. It was more memorial service than party, but it was nice. My friend Jess' mother-in-law Denise passed away suddenly Sunday night. Only 49 years old, and it has been suggested that it was an asthma attack, and considering the conditions outside this year, it's not surprising that an asthma attack was fatal. Anyway, this has been an incredibly hard week on my friend. Her husband is useless on a good day, so imagine him with his mother's shocking passing. So... I walked into the VFW for the party. I stopped to chat with my godsons. And then I found her. And she came sobbing into my arms. And I fought back tears. For the rest of the day I fought back tears. While I normally wouldn't have cried during a memorial in front of so many people who looked at me as if I were an oddity, I brushed aside tears that just wouldn't stop. I felt sadness and fear and anger. I was overwhelmed by strong emotions. I knew Denise, she was a very nice woman. But other than the interactions within my friend's family, we didn't know each other that much. So where were these feelings coming from? I think I actually became an emotional sponge. I was feeling all of Jess' emotions. Her sadness and loss of Denise. Her fear of the future with her husband and their son, her anger towards Denise's family for thinking ill of her and abusing her husband's rights - the greed pouring from them instead of grief. I felt everything she felt, as if it were my own. Once I was certain that there was little else I could do for my friend, we said our good-byes and left. And I almost cried all the way to Scott's mother's home. I told him that I was feeling Jess's... everything. And that she was so sad at my leaving her and at being responsible for her husband; and that I thought there was worse to come.
We left Cherokee about 90 minutes later. And I "knew" something had happened with Jess. And I was right. Denise's family treated her poorly, they spoke so low so her half-deaf husband couldn't hear what was being decided about his mother's estate. Etc. etc. etc. I felt raw inside. I had wicked headache brewing. You know the kind... the one that you get after you've been sobbing and crying all day. Except I hadn't been. None of these emotions had happened to me. But I soaked them all up, just like a sponge. It took 2 Excedrin and 2 Tylenol PM to tame the headache. And the drug-induced coma I had been hoping for only lasted maybe 5 hours with another hour of laziness. Not enough to reset my system, but enough to give me a head start. I'm available for calls... but I don't think I will be calling up North for a while. I need a break. And a way to block this new level of empathy. Either that or I need to become a sponge for an overly happy person. Know anyone like that?
