SCHEDULED

Surgery has been scheduled.

Friday, November 9th at 7am. The time could change, but as of right now, I am first in line. Which means that we will need someone to take Weston to daycare that morning. He will be better there than with us.

But this means that I will miss my Mother-in-law's birthday. We've had it planned since the beginning of September. We're taking her to the butterfly gardens in Sioux Falls, SD. I've never been to Sioux Falls, or a Butterfly garden - and I was excited about surprising Lila with this road-trip party. We'd gotten most of the family to agree to the Caravan trip. I think I will still send Scott and Weston up. It will give me the bed to myself - more room to recover, right? My mom thinks it's awful for Scott to leave me. And if Weston would sleep in his own room - this wouldn't be much of an issue.

So... I will ask someone to stay with me over the weekend. And I will get cleaned out.

TTC is officially on hold until the end of November. And there is a little relief mixed with a little panic in that. But there is nothing more we can do on our own.

life keeps going

So... we've spent a week discussing the decision that had to be made. Every time I told Scott that we needed to talk, he knew exactly to what I was referring. And that felt like a first. So, I hope that it was on his mind as much as it was on mine. Scott wasn't as helpful as he thinks. He's very "Pro Woman" which means that he's pro-my-choice-for-my-body. So I am responsible for all the decisions concerning conception, since it all happens in my body. And I should be grateful for this, and the support he gives me, but in all selfishness, I just wanted someone to make the decision for me. When Scott didn't do that, and insurance wasn't screaming one way or the other (both options are covered), I went with my gut. We're going to go through with the laproscopy to clean the Endometriosis from my body. It's less time off of work, less money, and as my mom said, "Maybe it's best to get rid of the bad stuff from your body." And she's right. We're going to start fresh. I'm thinking that they will schedule for the 9th of November. I should know more in a day or 2 when I get my monthly reminder that I'm not pregnant and can call and schedule. (I'm not pregnant. I don't feel pregnant, and I took a test last night to satisfy my curiosity.) The 9th is the weekend we had planned to go to Sioux Falls to the butterfly garden for Scott's mom's 83rd birthday. I am looking forward to going... but if the surgery is that Friday, I am packing my boys off to go without me. Mainly so I can sleep uninterrupted post surgery. My mom isn't happy about it. But it's what's going to happen I think. I think it will be best for everyone.

So... while my brain was constantly running 100 mph, life went on. We had a huge weekend of super excitement. Here's some pictures:

Friday night, we went Trick or Treating at an event called Night Eyes at the Blank Park Zoo. We bought advanced tickets, so it only cost me $12 for the 4 of us. And we came home with 5 bags of candy, totally worth it! It got dark very quickly, and it was so much fun! We met our friend Elle there with her grandparents, and she and Weston held hands and just really enjoyed the night. Shannon dressed as a Peacock, I was a Girl Monster, and Scott was a Frog. Obviously, Weston chose Scott's and my costumes, but I made them in 2 days, and I rocked it. :) I need more pictures of those, but Shannon's peacock was beautiful!  We toured the zoo (only the big cats were out), rode the train and the new carousel, and the kids played in the inflatable wonderland of giants slides and bounce houses... they weren't afraid of anything!

Captain America (Weston) and the Lady Bug (Elle) hatch from an Ostrich egg at Night Eyes at the the Blank Park Zoo.

 On Saturday, we met up with our friends April and Glen, and joined Weston's daycare families at the Center Grove Orchard and Pumpkin Patch in Cambridge, Iowa. It's the best Orchard around, and takes about 25 mins to get there. It has a school house, petting farm, corn pool, jumping pillow, mazes, hay rides, and a giant slide! Plus apple and pumpkin picking and a store. Too much fun!

Shannon at Center Grove Orchard, Cambridge, Iowa.

Weston measuring how tall he is: 42 inches!!! Tall enough for all roller coasters and giant slides!

After riding the Giant slide with their daddies, Weston and Meleinna wanted to ride alone, and Lily wanted to ride with Weston! So they went together and side by side with Meleinna - it was awesome and frightening all at the same time!

We had a great weekend and are gearing up for our holiday season. I love this time of year with my family!

things I learned yesterday...

It wasn't until talking to my Mom about the events of yesterday's appointment that I realized that I had learned some new things. Here are the 5 big things that I learned at yesterday's appointment with Dr. Cooper:

1. Propagation - Human being suck at reproduction. According to my doctor, if we humans weren't at the top of the Food Chain, we'd have died off a very long time ago. Here's some generalized statistics that Dr. Cooper threw at me:
              a.) Cows have an 80% chance of conceiving each cycle.
              b.) Pigs have something like a 60%-70% chance.
              c.) Human beings have about a 20% chance of conception per cycle!
   (This is why we have to be carnivores. If not, our species would die out.)
2. Ovulation and the Progesterone Test - So when the OB's office called and said that the Progesterone results weren't good because they weren't close to the 11 number, they were slightly misinformed. According to the Fertility Specialist, Dr. Cooper, ovulation pretty much occurs after the number 4. So, I shouldn't feel guilty. I probably did ovulate all those times I didn't conceive. (See #5 for more education.)
3. Sperm - When a healthy, normal man does his job, he releases 55 million sperm. 55 MILLION. By the time they find their way through the cervix, past the uterus, and to the Egg in the fallopian tube, there are (on average) only 8 sperm remaining. And then it's the fastest and strongest of those 8 who win the big prize: Cellular mitosis. ;)
   (It's no joke when you see the baby onesie that says, "I'm one in 55 Million." It's true.)
   Another reason why children are a miracle.
4. Waste - So, 54,999,992 sperm are considered "waste" since they don't make it to the goal line. I also found out that after age 35, 90% of the eggs released by mom are useless waste. Great... I have 2 years to get this thing going.
5. Toxins - So, this is more personal. Not only does Endometriosis cause scar tissue that can prevent ovulation and block eggs, and hormone issues that can also prevent ovulation, but the Endometrial cells also create TOXINS. And these toxins are fatal to eggs and embryos. Basically saying that if I am lucky enough to conceive, then the toxins can still kill that embryo.

So... that's your lesson from today.

If any of you have personal experience with IVF... can you let me know? It's a real possibility right now. And I need help making the big decision.  thanks.

the man who creates life

I had my first visit with Dr. Brian Cooper of Mid-Iowa Fertility. And I really liked him!

Dr. Cooper performed my HSG X-ray in 2007, as well as taking care of my follow-up care after my laproscopy that diagnosed the Endometriosis. And after my bad experience with the other partner in the practice, I am so thrilled to be happy with Dr. Cooper this time around.

So... we discussed fertility and all the blah blah blah that goes with it. And we went over my medical history, the changes, etc from 5 years ago. He was happy about Weston. And he correctly guessed that Weston wants a sister. :)

IVF - creating life

Most important part of this appointment: We have a plan. Either a laproscopy (again) to clean up the Endometriosis and surrounding scar tissue, or we bypass the endometriosis all together and do IVF (In-Vitro Fertilization.) So, we have a plan. I have emailed the clinic's financial person to find out how our insurance covers both procedures. And that will help us to make a choice. The surgery would take place on a Friday, and I should be healed enough to return to work on Monday. The IVF on the other hand takes a lot longer. 10 days of hormone shots, about as many visits to the clinic for blood tests and ultrasounds. Then 1 day off work for egg retrieval. (wait 3 or 4 days.) On day 5, there's implantation, and then 2 days of being flat. So potentially 3 days off work, plus the dr visits.

Either is a big decision. But at least there is a plan, and I am comfortable with the doctor. I feel very relieved. but mostly when Dr. Cooper shook my hand and said that he hoped I was pregnant right now, and that I wouldn't be needing his services. That's what a real doctor is all about - helping the patient. :)

Day 21

I got my blood test results back today. 8.5 on the Day 21 Progesterone Check. The doctor wasn't happy. They weren't happy 2 cycles ago when they were 10.5, and last month they doubled the meds when the came back at 7.5. So... Fertility Specialist scheduled for October 15. If this doctor doesn't work out, then I have to drive 2 hours either to Omaha or Iowa City to find another specialist.
There is a small chance that we conceived since I did see a positive test result, but it's unlikely. Ugh! Why can't this just be easy? 
At least the doctor prescribed another round of fertility drugs so at least I won't feel useless next cycle.

And we have Lift off!

Each test was photographed at the 5 minute wait mark... you can get a false positive result if you wait too long. I just assembled the "graph" myself for a comparative view.

Well... this is what my ovulation looks like. And I love the fact that if I didn't conceive this cycle, that I have a visual to take into whichever doctor I see, be it fertility specialist or OB-GYN.

That being said, I'm glad that I go these Wondfo tests. Because for once, I can See what's happening. And I can compare it with my temperature. Which has always been an incredibly confusing part for me. For example: On test day 1, my temp was 96.6 (about average for me.) On test day 4, it was 97.3, a big jump for me, so I thought that my ovulation was bad. When I did Test 5, I honestly thought it was going to be a bust. But to my surprise, it was the most clear Positive (+) result I had ever seen on an ovulation test, including when I was pregnant with Weston. My temp incidentally was 97.9, so it was constantly going up. On day 6, with a faint test line, which does not count as a positive, I held the 97.9 temperature. Day 6 was the day that Ovulation was predicted by the numbers. So, if I hadn't been testing, I may have missed more chances. Today, with a negative result, my temperature was 98.1, practically a fever to my body. 

(On a fiscal note 7 ovulation tests run about $15-20 on the shelf. That's an average of about $2.45 each. These Wondfo tests run about $0.28 each. I think it's worth it.)

So... Progesterone Blood Tests one week from today. We'll see how everything went.

On a personal note - wait, this entire blog is a huge personal note - anyway, I went to a Pure Romance bachelorette party Saturday night. And I spent some money... but the point is, I got some of the "Just Like Me" water-based, ph balanced lubricant. There, I said it. I got some assistance. And it helped out a lot. Having something to fall back on when TTC on a planned schedule was a total relief. And it added a little romance to our night. Which was a welcome change. ;) 

(TMI, I know.)

test results and tears...

Khloe Kardashian with her niece Penelope Disick

Last night my sister and I watched the latest episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians on E!. (We love this show. It's great entertainment. Say anything you want, we'll still watch it.) Anyway, on this episode, Kim talks her younger, married sister Khloe into visiting a fertility specialist. Kim saw how her fertility decreases with every passing year. They both went through tests that normal people don't see on the first, or even second and third, visit. It was discovered that Khloe, who has been married for 3 years to NBA baller, Lamar Odem, isn't ovulating. She has too much of one of the multiple hormones that can affect fertility. More tests to follow.

I remember that feeling. I was close to her age the first time I sat in that chair. And I just started crying for her. For the road she and her husband will have to travel. For the strain it will cause between her and her family. And also for the feelings she must have when she holds her sister's children, her friends' children. And I ache for the horrible way that the Public Eye will be on her.

So... I'm in the middle of Cycle 9, Femara Cycle 3, Day 11 today. I've doubled my dosage to 5.5mg. So, I've been taking Ovulation tests all week. And I don't think I am ovulating. My temp rose today, 1 full degree. Usually that means that I have already ovulated. But none of my tests show a distinct positive line.  So... I will test until Monday, 3 more days of peeing in a cup. I also am wondering if the husband and I shouldn't do some counselling? I think we need to find a way to talk to each other. I've tried face to face. Today, I tried text message. I don't think he understands where I'm at. I think Fertility is worse than Money when it comes to stress in a marriage. So... that's my venting for today. I'm headed back to the Fertility Specialist by all appearances. We'll figure it out. Maybe.