Random Thoughts...

I've been playing with a blog post in my mind this past week, but it doesn't seem to be as easy to write as it is in my head. So, forget it. I'm just going to ramble it all out.

1. As I am sitting here, I am analyzing every twinge, ripple, feeling that could possibly herald the arrival of Aunt Flo. According to the calendar, it's due to arrive today. But it could be a few days late. I have refused to test. I just don't see the point. But more importantly, I am afraid of the answer either way. Negative = another month of heartbreak, the whys, the whens, the hows. The overwhelming feelings of guilt of failure that will just wash over me... and sometimes, they already wash over me. A Positive = Fear, panic... a constant fear of losing another baby. The fear to be happy and relaxed after something so horrible happened. I just don't see a happy feeling either way this week.
2. We get the keys to our new duplex tonight. Did I mention that we're moving? We're moving. In 9 days. We went through our garage last weekend with the help of my parents and aunt. It was traumatic. We lost our guest room mattress and springs to mice damage. And a whole box of good clothes to water damage. Threw away a lot and am selling a lot more. I also measured my hutch, and it is too large for our kitchen. :(
3. I hate packing. I'm not any good at it. So this weekend, I am planning on moving over everything that isn't bolted down and can fit in my car. to avoid packing. Not sure yet how we are packing the dishes. I may need to invest in paper plates for a while... but we don't have a dishwasher at the new place. Oops.
4. Weston's last T-Ball game is this Saturday. It's a reschedule because of the horrible spring weather that we've had. I'm coaching. Yep. That's right. Our coaches are out of town, as well as some other players. No one was expecting this. So I got asked to coach. It should be interesting. :) I just hope that we make it in time... Shannon and I are desperate for some Farmer's Market time. So we're going at the crack of dawn.
5. I came to the realization last night that we would have found out the sex of our baby next week. It's going by so fast. And I'm ok most days, it's just that our daycare provider is also pregnant. And she's talking about it constantly and counting the weeks. And everyone is excited for her. I think I am as well... it's just that it's a constant reminder of what we've lost. I can't seem to get past it.

I'm done rambling. I'm hungry and waiting for lunch. and trying to work to get everything done.